Free Thoughts

Well-being, not happiness: rethinking Christmas

Free Thoughts /

December 28, 2025, last post of the year. Year started with controlled burnout. Perhaps time has come to talk about Christmas, my complex relationship. Well-being, not forced happiness. Happiness is beautiful BUT Christmas cannot be obligation. Compulsion creates problem: very high expectations, hyperfocus pre-Christmas, down after (food heaviness, dopamine finished, New Year stress). Well-being is sustainable, frees happiness. My son Marco noticed: father lives Christmas as work. Gifts/wishes/dinners are fine, problem is HOW. Compulsions vs true rituals. My wife has right mindset, I envy (positive sense). This year first step: background noise compulsions, focus happy children. I’m learning. Step by step, crumb by crumb. Not perfect, not resolved, but possible. Hope I’ve explained myself.

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Renovating: why you can’t find the glass (and that’s okay)

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This week I forgot household tasks. Things I normally wouldn’t forget. But I’m renovating. Not the house, myself. Three rooms: kitchen (cognitive abilities, complete), living room (relationships, in progress), bedroom (my deep self, just started). In a house under renovation you look for a glass and can’t find it. It’s not lost, it’s boxed. Cognitive energy is elsewhere, on more important work. Forgetting during transformation is normal. Unexpected things happen, they seem like chaos, but they’re part of the process. Orchestrating chaos—I’ll talk about it. Meanwhile: if you can’t find the glass, that’s okay.

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When bias evolves: from frontal attack to subtle strategy

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The bias I named has evolved. No longer frontal attack but subtle strategy: lateral attacks to refill cognitive bandwidth, cut supplies, block liberating activities. But I saw them in time. The twenty-six year war (18 years → 44 years) continues. The rhizome expands: me, the Friend with whom I exchange philosophical audio, others. Concentric circles, not hierarchy. Themistocles at Salamis: not brute force but strategy. Yesterday: Victoria 3, chaos orchestrator. Golf swing empties mind. The bias counterattacks. But I’m ready. The ball is mine.

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The technique that freed me from rumination: naming biases

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This week I identified the bias that’s dominated me for decades: “I Depend on Others, I don’t collaborate with Others.” The technique of naming it—giving it a name when it arrives—depotentiated it. The brain shifts from passive to active. Rumination decreases, cognitive bandwidth frees up, ideas come. I haven’t solved it, but I no longer submit. The origin? Adolescence, adult responsibilities too soon. The catalyst? Amelia, 26 weeks, 710 grams, 109 days NICU. From forced hero to anti-hero to strategist. Naming, accepting, evolving. Tools make the difference.

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Golf, empty mind and perceptual time: my conscious refuge

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Golf taught me something forced meditation never could: emptying the mind without forcing it. The swing demands free mind, present body. A few seconds in physical time, immense in perceptual time. Like when you play with your kids and look like a complete goofball: them happy, you happy. Empty mind, full joy. Golf isn’t just sport. It’s my way of finding harmony. Find your swing.

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Accepting is not surrendering: the power of conscious serenity

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For years I thought accepting meant surrendering. But accepting is not submitting. It’s conscious strategy. From the science of post-trauma Tetris to the serenity/happiness distinction, to the paradox: when you stop fighting what you can’t change, you gain more power. Acceptance isn’t passivity. It’s emotional intelligence.

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