Well-being, not happiness: rethinking Christmas

Free Thoughts /

December 28, 2025, last post of the year. Year started with controlled burnout. Perhaps time has come to talk about Christmas, my complex relationship. Well-being, not forced happiness. Happiness is beautiful BUT Christmas cannot be obligation. Compulsion creates problem: very high expectations, hyperfocus pre-Christmas, down after (food heaviness, dopamine finished, New Year stress). Well-being is sustainable, frees happiness. My son Marco noticed: father lives Christmas as work. Gifts/wishes/dinners are fine, problem is HOW. Compulsions vs true rituals. My wife has right mindset, I envy (positive sense). This year first step: background noise compulsions, focus happy children. I’m learning. Step by step, crumb by crumb. Not perfect, not resolved, but possible. Hope I’ve explained myself.

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Discomfort is not an enemy: why change hurts (and that’s okay)

Pragmatism /

Wednesday December 17th, after an intense morning. I experienced discomfort. But positive. Discomfort is not an enemy. It’s a signal that change is happening. Three phases: mind (total resistance), body (tachycardia, pulsing eye), memory (distant, not feared). Neuroscience confirms (Porges, Doidge, Prochaska). Vampire client Tuesday: Wolf method (Pulp Fiction). Calm, strategy, multiple boundaries. Top Gen Z dev, mental quickness. Strong discomfort when I oppose responding immediately. But it was working. “Customer is always right” = false. I’m happy. Not generic well-being, truly happy. Perceptual time, exponential effect. I always read, respond when I can with substance. 2026 podcast with Friend.

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Renovating: why you can’t find the glass (and that’s okay)

Free Thoughts /

This week I forgot household tasks. Things I normally wouldn’t forget. But I’m renovating. Not the house, myself. Three rooms: kitchen (cognitive abilities, complete), living room (relationships, in progress), bedroom (my deep self, just started). In a house under renovation you look for a glass and can’t find it. It’s not lost, it’s boxed. Cognitive energy is elsewhere, on more important work. Forgetting during transformation is normal. Unexpected things happen, they seem like chaos, but they’re part of the process. Orchestrating chaos—I’ll talk about it. Meanwhile: if you can’t find the glass, that’s okay.

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When bias evolves: from frontal attack to subtle strategy

Free Thoughts /

The bias I named has evolved. No longer frontal attack but subtle strategy: lateral attacks to refill cognitive bandwidth, cut supplies, block liberating activities. But I saw them in time. The twenty-six year war (18 years → 44 years) continues. The rhizome expands: me, the Friend with whom I exchange philosophical audio, others. Concentric circles, not hierarchy. Themistocles at Salamis: not brute force but strategy. Yesterday: Victoria 3, chaos orchestrator. Golf swing empties mind. The bias counterattacks. But I’m ready. The ball is mine.

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The technique that freed me from rumination: naming biases

Free Thoughts /

This week I identified the bias that’s dominated me for decades: “I Depend on Others, I don’t collaborate with Others.” The technique of naming it—giving it a name when it arrives—depotentiated it. The brain shifts from passive to active. Rumination decreases, cognitive bandwidth frees up, ideas come. I haven’t solved it, but I no longer submit. The origin? Adolescence, adult responsibilities too soon. The catalyst? Amelia, 26 weeks, 710 grams, 109 days NICU. From forced hero to anti-hero to strategist. Naming, accepting, evolving. Tools make the difference.

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Golf, empty mind and perceptual time: my conscious refuge

Free Thoughts /

Golf taught me something forced meditation never could: emptying the mind without forcing it. The swing demands free mind, present body. A few seconds in physical time, immense in perceptual time. Like when you play with your kids and look like a complete goofball: them happy, you happy. Empty mind, full joy. Golf isn’t just sport. It’s my way of finding harmony. Find your swing.

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Verticalizing: today’s effort becomes tomorrow’s well-being for all

Complexity /

Verticalizing means personalizing the approach. It costs effort today but generates well-being tomorrow. It’s not privilege, it’s equity: giving each person what they need for the same goal. From yourself to children, from work to the world. A neurodivergent student verticalized today becomes an autonomous adult tomorrow. An understood employee today becomes an effective leader tomorrow. Effort is investment. Well-being is return. Exponential.

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Accepting is not surrendering: the power of conscious serenity

Free Thoughts /

For years I thought accepting meant surrendering. But accepting is not submitting. It’s conscious strategy. From the science of post-trauma Tetris to the serenity/happiness distinction, to the paradox: when you stop fighting what you can’t change, you gain more power. Acceptance isn’t passivity. It’s emotional intelligence.

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