I’m writing this post on Wednesday, December 17th, during a break after an interesting morning. Yesterday, Tuesday, and today I experienced discomfort. But positive discomfort.
Finally.
Discomfort is not an enemy
The hardest part of managing a process of restructuring your own mind, your own cognitive capacity? Managing discomfort.
Discomfort, if not contextualized, we often assume it’s wrong. A problem. Something that’s “not right.”
Actually, discomfort is the best part.
Why discomfort is the best part
The best part? Yes.
Because it allows us to understand that change is happening. Our mind experiences discomfort because it finds itself managing an event differently, better, but at the same time the past, the component rooted in us, tries to oppose and triggers discomfort.
Discomfort demonstrates that it’s working. We must continue. Not underestimate it but not fear it either.
The three phases of discomfort
At first it will be present 360 degrees. Then gradually it will disappear from the mind and remain first in the body. Subsequently it will be a distant memory. We won’t forget it but we won’t fear it anymore and it won’t be there to subjugate us.
Phase 1: The mind (total resistance)
Discomfort is everywhere. Present 360 degrees. The mind screams: “This is wrong!” But it’s not wrong. It’s just different. The rooted component opposes resistance because change requires energy. Old neural patterns fight the new ones.
Phase 2: The body (physical signals)
The mind begins to accept. Discomfort descends into the body. Tachycardia. Pulsing eye. Tension. But already less pervasive. The nervous system adapts, but manifests stress through physical sensations.
Phase 3: The memory (distant, not feared)
Discomfort becomes a distant memory. Not forgotten. But not feared. No longer there to subjugate us. The new patterns are integrated. The old way is just memory, no longer a threat.
The three phases are not my invention. Neuroscience (Porges, Doidge) and psychology (Prochaska) show the same progression. Mind, body, integration. Real change always passes through here.
How to distinguish change discomfort from mere discomfort
But how do we distinguish discomfort due to change from mere discomfort?
By analyzing the situation. Stopping for a moment. Breathing in and breathing out. Letting our thoughts go.
Thoughts will create connections, analyze paths and provide answers. Difficult at first, without a doubt. But gradually they’ll be like that fog that transforms into haze until it disappears.
We can ask ourselves questions. Ask if this sensation is due to the event we’re experiencing. We can ask ourselves if we’re okay managing it differently, that is, as we would have done in the past.
Few and simple questions. They will then give us the answer and with that answer we’ll understand the next steps.
The vampire client: Wolf method
Tuesday. A client asks for help. Free, obviously. Classic: “I need this, immediately, easy for you.”
Wolf approach is needed. Not Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction for the cleanup (not that), but for the method. Calm, analysis, strategy, execution. “I solve problems.”
Me, my partner, and a top Gen Z developer I involved on purpose because he has that mental quickness needed in these situations: we do a mini analysis. In a very short time we say: this is the only possible compromise.
The client took it for granted I would do everything. We show analysis, compromise, conditions. I repeat to him: “Be sure of what you’re reading and accepting.” His responsibility.
First boundary: in one case I respond outside office hours. Deliberately.
Second boundary: in the other, even though my past would have responded immediately, I oppose. Discomfort. Strong.The next day, deliberately, I don’t respond immediately.
He writes again. Demonstrates real interest.
Third boundary: I respond and set stakes. Doesn’t solve the license yet? License necessary for us to set up. I give phone availability to his administration.
Cleverness: in the process, I resolve a pending invoice situation for other work. And the administration becomes a friend. Future ally.
Result: tomorrow they clear the license. Today at 5 PM my partner (not me, deliberately, agreed with him) together with the top dev will do the call and clear everything.
Difficult? Without the slightest shadow of doubt.
Feasible? Absolutely yes.
Discomfort? Present. Strong. But a signal it was working.
Obviously we don’t have to make the client understand the strategy. But it works. For me, for the team, for the client himself.
Restructuring in progress
Personally, discomfort comes over me especially in the recent period, more often. But there’s a reason.
My journey, as I told you with the house example, is pushing forward. Every single aspect of my life is evolving. Discomfort emerges for this reason.
On some topics it’s already less. On others we’re still at the beginning. After all, the restructuring isn’t finished. The kitchen is complete. The living room and bedroom are in progress.
The wrong mantra
At work I’ve started interpreting the signals. Every day I place a new step and it goes better. Valid results for me, collaborators and also clients.
Because the mantra “the customer is always right” is not true. And we know well where it depends on and why.
Honestly, I’m happy. Not talking about generic well-being. Truly happy. The situation is under management and I know I’ve approached it at best, but not at the best possible. And this puts me on the right path for the future.
Human relationships and exponential time
The same thing is happening in human relationships at every level and degree. A useful passage that happens day by day. And citing perceptual time, also with exponential effect, not being something physical or biological.
Discomfort is not an enemy. It’s not a friend either, obviously. But it’s a signal. And like every signal, the outcome depends on us. On how we interpret it.
Conclusion
I’d like to write more. Write my usual rivers, helped as always by AI. Sometimes collected in short paragraphs, sometimes in dense paragraphs. Dense like the desire to show you the connections and share all this with you.
I’d love to chat. With someone I know it happens in reality and it’s remarkable. With others, new ones? Not plausible but not impossible.
If you’re going through a similar journey, if discomfort is telling you something, write to me. You’ll find the channels in the Contacts section. I always read, I respond when I can with substance.
And who knows if in 2026 a podcast won’t arrive. With my Friend (former client, now Friend, but we still work together), the philosophical audios are going great. Talking about it in a podcast would be interesting.
Discomfort is not an enemy. It’s a signal you’re really changing.
And that’s okay.